I just returned from across the street. It is a bitter sweet moment. My friend Raymond is headed for the local Care Center. Ray has Alzheimer’s. Mary has cared from him wonderfully for the past two years, during which he has gradually become more and more debilitated. I wrote more in detail about this in a post on a personal blog called Candleman. For now, suffice it to say, she is at once, broken hearted and relieved. His care has become a huge burden. She had Home Health come in each morning to help get him up and bathed. Still she called me most days and sometimes twice to help her get him off the floor after he’d slid out of his chair, or for some other problem. I loved doing it. She loved caring for him too. Inevitably though, it became more than she could do.
I am 57 this year. Not all that old, but I live in an older neighborhood full of wonderful folks from the generation previous to mine. I see this kind of thing a lot. Down the street lived a couple I visited frequently. She had diabetes which resulted in the amputation of both of her feet. He was strong and able and determined to keep her home and care for her. Whether it was the stress or not, who knows, but suddenly he became very ill and could no longer care for her. They found a space in a rest home for her after an arduous search, but it was 90 miles from here and became an added hardship.
One more story; there are dozens. A younger friend I visit is bed-fast with MS. His dear wife has cared for him for years. Recently though, he has developed a bed sore that won’t heal. It has been determined that the sore has to be surgically removed. Recovery will require him to spend some time in a Care Center as well. Fortunately he will be able to be near home during his recovery.
These things happen and have me a bit concerned. I’ve done a little research into this and found an excellent web site focused on caring for friends and family in these difficult circumstances. I have discovered discovered a resource for finding care homes. Bettercaring has information on methods and equipment and resources for assistance in the care of your loved one. There is advice on money issues. They will help you find services and facilities near you. My favorite part is their forum, where you can communicate with other care givers. You’ll discover you’re not alone, learn ways to give better care, and learn to care for yourself along the way.
Clearly there are burdens and challenges associated with care giving. But there is joy, love, companionship, satisfaction and peace in it too. I have not been a primary care giver, but watching so many who are or have been, my sympathy and concern is often greater for them. Bettercaring has masterfully addressed care of the care giver as well.
